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Fitness
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“... running is the right thing to do! I am free, healthy with a good complexion. It is that automobile addict who should be ashamed: driving in a sealed car in warmed-over carbon monoxide and smoking a seegar. I am the Goddess! He is a bug in a monkey nut! ”
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“Exercise, to qualify at all, must be lonely, painful, humorless, and boring.”
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“It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.”
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“Aerobics has to be the least appealing activity. I don't even know how this word came into being: 'aerobics.' I guess gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge ten dollars an hour, we can't call it "jumping up and down."'”
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“I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do situps.”
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“Exercise is the yuppie version of bulimia.”
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“Contrary to popular cable TV-induced opinion, aerobics have nothing to do with squeezing our body into hideous shiny Spandex, grinning like a deranged orangutan, and doing cretinous steps to debauched disco music.”
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“... I think anyone who comes upon a Nautilus machine suddenly will agree with me that its prototype was clearly invented at some time in history when torture was considered a reasonable alternative to diplomacy.”
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“I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.”
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“How can he make plans for you to spend the weekend canoeing through river rapids, seemingly oblivious to the fact that your idea of strenuous activity is shopping for slacks?”
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“... her husband was once a jockey and can never really understand that people, unlike horses, haven't necessarily got the bloat if they don't feel like exercising in the grey dawn.”
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“I am persuaded that the greater part of our complaints arise from want of exercise.”
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“My generation is the first in my species to have put fitness next to godliness on the scale of things. Keeping in shape has become the imperative of our middle age. The heaviest burden of guilt we carry into our forties is flab. Our sense of failure is measured by the grade on a stress test.”
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“[On why she doesn't exercise:] If I tried to jog with these boobs, I'd end up with two black eyes.”
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“I've been fit and I've been fat, and fit is better.”
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“I limited my exercise to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and dodging my reflection.”
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“... my major form of exercise is jumping to conclusions.”
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“There's no such thing as excess eating, only inadequate activity.”
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“A dog is the only exercise machine you cannot decide to skip when you don't feel like it.”
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“What's good for the waistline is good for the bottom line.”
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“Getting fit is a political act — you are taking charge of your life.”
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“I'd always begun a new workout program highly motivated. ('What brings you here?' a trainer once asked. Well, I thought, last night while undressing, I found a pile of Oreo crumbs in my cleavage..)”
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“... exercise will never be my lover. Or even my friend. For me, a workout is more like an annoying coworker I have to see a few times a week.”
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“You know how some people are unlucky in love? I was always unlucky in exercise. I'd get into a relationship with a workout program or guru, we'd go steady for a few intense months, and then we'd have a really ugly breakup.”
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“First of all, let's get one thing straight: fitness and exercise aren't the same thing. You can exercise without getting fit, but you can't get fit without exercise.”
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“I'm not into working out. My philosophy — No pain, no pain.”
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“... medicine is such a jealous lover that lately the only exercise I get is putting my foot down. For social life, I climb into the front seats of taxicabs on my way to work and talk to the drivers. Very interesting fellows.”