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Plastic Surgery

  • She's had so many face-lifts, there's nothing left in her shoes!

  • My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.

  • [On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.

  • I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

  • Yes, I've had a face-lift, but who hasn't?

    • Cher,
    • in Parade ()
  • [On plastic surgery:] My motto is: 'Anything that can be lifted should be lifted. Anything that falls should be caught. And try to catch any falling stuff before it hits the ground.'

  • If I see something saggin', baggin', and draggin', I'm going to nip it, tuck it, and suck it.

  • [On her nose job:] He just wanted to get that knife into me. He'd cut you if you had dandruff.

    • Fanny Brice,
    • in Norman Katkov, The Fabulous Fanny ()
  • ... between laser-surgery and botox and face-lifts, everybody in this business looks good. That's why it's so hard to cast anyone as a grandmother. Nobody looks like one anymore.

  • Anybody who is anybody seems to be getting a lift — by plastic surgery these days. It's the new world wide craze that combines the satisfactions of psychoanalysis, massage, and a trip to the beauty salon.

  • ... when you go to a plastic surgeon, you aren't just paying for the improvement, you are paying for the illusion that you needed no improving in the first place. So if somebody asks you if you had something done, then you only got half of your money's worth.

  • [When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

    • Joan Rivers,
    • in Adair Lara, The Granny Diaries: An Insider's Guide for New Grandmothers ()
  • With time and exposure to light, the skin loses its tensile strength — like an old worn girdle. No amount of massage has ever been shown to restore an old, old girdle.

  • I embarked on a risky course of plastic surgery and silicone injections, major dental realignments and gruesome medical procedures. I pray that young dancers, those who imitate me at their peril, will avoid this blind alley. It is more than a dead end; it is a dead beginning.

  • [When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.

    • Phyllis Diller,
    • in Mary Unterbrink, Funny Women: American Comediennes, 1860-1985 ()
  • If anybody says their facelift doesn't hurt, they're lying. It was like I'd spent the night with an ax murderer.