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Fruitcake
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“... the fruit cakes she sent at Christmas ... usually incapacitated the entire department, their brandy fumes lingering almost as long as the hangovers.”
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“... the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.”
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“I never like to make generalities about people, but let's face it: People who love fruitcakes are 'different.'”
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“December found me still up to my ears in fruitcake. The process from chopping to packing is all joy to me, and part of Christmas. ... I defy any woman to chop up fruits like these, all pungent and sugary, and keep up any personal brooding.”
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“For months they have lain in wait, dim shapes lurking in the forgotten corners of houses and factories all over the country and now they are upon us, sodden with alcohol, their massive bodies bulging with strange green protuberances, attacking us in our homes, at our friends' homes, at our offices — there is no escape, it is the hour of the fruitcake.”