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Baseball
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“'Does one eat peanuts at a ball game?' 'It ain't hardly legal if you don't.' ”
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“... all through my childhood, my father kept from me the knowledge that the daily papers printed daily box scores, allowing me to believe that without my personal renderings of all those games he missed while he was at work, he would be unable to follow our team in the only proper way a team should be followed, day by day, inning by inning. In other words, without me, his love for baseball would be forever incomplete.”
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“Baseball lasts as long as it takes. Like life, like love, baseball exists in real time.”
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“A fan without a team is like a hog without truffles — she has nothing to root for. ”
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“I'll never understand why it's easier for a female to become an astronaut or cop or fire fighter or soldier or Supreme Court justice than it is to become a major league umpire. For Christ sakes, it's only baseball.”
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“I'm not sure what it means, but whenever the ball is not in play, somebody grabs his crotch.”
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“It's about / the ball, / the bat, / the mitt, / the bases / and the fans. / It's done / on a diamond, / and for fun. / It's about / home, and it's about run.”
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“I oiled my glove yesterday. / Half the season is over. / When will I be ready?”
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“... that crack of the bat against a ball has been my mantra, a sound I hear in desperate moments, at times when I crave total satisfaction, a sound I hear over and over when I want something very badly but can't express what it is.”
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“When I was fifteen I believed that sex was nearly the same thing as softball.”
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“[On Bull Durham:] I left the theater haunted by this tragic tale of forbidden love. Not the love of a woman for a man. The love of a woman for baseball. [Annie Savoy] was forced to settle for the great feminine trade-off: If you can't be it, sleep with a man who can. Hence her long career as a glorified groupie of the hometown team. They wouldn't let her pitch balls, so she balled pitchers instead.”
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“Anyone who says that softball is a boring game to watch isn't looking at the right things.”
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“[On softball:] Diamonds are a dyke's best friend.”
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“[On the Chicago Cubs:] Being a Cubs fan prepares you for life — and Washington.”
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“The outfield is a black universe provoking the same endless contemplation of nature's mysteries that occurs when you look through a telescope.”
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“In a neighborhood where most children grew up Lutheran or Methodist, we grew up Baseball.”
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“Baseball is already the world's most tranquil sport. It is probably the only active sport where you are not seriously required to be alive to play.”
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“In right field we had a woman who was a therapist. As a right fielder, she was a wonderful therapist. ... Whenever a fly popped up to center, she could be heard saying to the center fielder, 'I believe in your skills; I support you in your effort to catch the ball.'”
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“He began to like baseball / when he found someone / who knew less about it than he did.”
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“... baseball is played on the fields of the imagination as much as on the diamond ...”
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“For every man with a baseball story — a memory of a moment at the plate or in the field — there is a woman with a couldn't-play-baseball story.”
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“... baseball is where boys practice being boys and / men practice being boys, and / they get real good at it.”
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“Oh, the joys of baseball, manly men in tight pants.”
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“The outfield is the place to dream, / where slow moons fall out of the sky / and rise clean over a green horizon.”