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“It's no wonder we're all so neurotic about weight. What chance do we have to grow up with a healthy attitude toward it when the first thing that happens when we enter the world is that we're weighed? And then spanked.”
“I think your first-born is always the biggest shock to your system — even though you have nine months to prepare for it. I know I spent the whole first week waiting for the parents to come home and pay me!”
“I'm not a very good cook either. I went to Kramer vs. Kramer four times just to learn how to make French toast. My favorite ways of consuming food are, in descending order: dining out, take-out, having something delivered, boiling in a bag, and, if desperate, opening a can. This last choice is worst since it involves doing dishes later in the month.”
“My mother, bless her heart, says I find housework beneath me, which is not true ... I find it beyond me.”
“Housework is a never-ending road to an extremely temporary destination.”
“I've been married so long, I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce.”