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“I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.”
“You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.”
“I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a life-saving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.”
“I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex — I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.”
“Sexual harassment at work ... is it a problem for the self-employed?”
Victoria Wood, English comedian, actor, singer-songwriter, screenwriter, director