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Carol Leifer

  • Sex when you're married is like going to a 7-Eleven. There's not as much variety, but at three in the morning it's always there.

    • Carol Leifer,
    • in Judy Carter, Stand-Up Comedy ()
  • He tricked me into marrying him. He told me I was pregnant.

    • Carol Leifer,
    • in Bill Adler, ed., Funny Ladies ()
  • I'm not into working out. My philosophy — No pain, no pain.

    • Carol Leifer,
    • in Bill Adler, ed., Funny Ladies ()
  • The only thing I ever said to my parents when I was a teenager was 'hang up, I got it.'

    • Carol Leifer
  • Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, 'Is someone sitting there?' just say, 'No one — except the Lord.'

    • Carol Leifer
  • Some people have their marriages annulled, which means they never existed. Boy, talk about denial! What do you say when people see your wedding album? 'Oh that was just some play I was in.'

    • Carol Leifer

Carol Leifer, U.S. comedian, writer, producer, actor