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“When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.'”
“I've taken up meditation. I like to have espresso first to make it more challenging.”
“I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford.”
“I'm not co-dependent myself, but aren't they great to have around?”
“Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.”
“This sense of some mandate to reproduce seems rather outdated to me. When God said be fruitful and multiply, there were only two people.”