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Wendy Liebman

  • People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them ... Well it's killing me.

    • Wendy Liebman
  • My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

    • Wendy Liebman
  • I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.

    • Wendy Liebman
  • The only way to really have safe sex is to abstain. From drinking.

    • Wendy Liebman
  • I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like, how did my mother know that?

    • Wendy Liebman
  • In addition to comedy, I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good.

    • Wendy Liebman
  • My license plate says PMS. Nobody cuts me off.

    • Wendy Liebman
  • I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.

    • Wendy Liebman,
    • in Good Housekeeping ()
  • When my fiance proposed it was very romantic. He turned off the TV. Well, he muted it. During the commercial.

    • Wendy Liebman,
    • stand-up routine ()
  • I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

    • Wendy Liebman,
    • "Taller on TV," in O: The Oprah Magazine ()

Wendy Liebman, U.S. comedian