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Brett Butler

  • Dreams that do come true can be as unsettling as those that don't.

  • ... I'm so Southern I'm related to myself.

  • The South is often noted for its eccentric characters, both real and fictional, and I was there long enough to know that 'normal' either becomes a divine ambition or a malediction.

  • My father was eccentric, peculiar, and unprepared for reality. This worked out fine, because reality and my father were rarely on speaking terms. ... For my father it was a private war, a cause to be won, and he fought it on a grand scale. And because he fought alone, he was both the victor and the casualty.

  • I began to worry about everything. I was getting sick of life, and I was only five.

  • ... I looked deeply into that boy's eyes, loaned him a mind, and sent him thoughts that he did not possess because I had imagination enough for us both.

  • I'm the type of Southern Baptist that keeps a picture of Elvis's Last Supper in our living room. Whenever I mention that in my nightclub act, I usually get at least one irate Baptist who says, 'You can make fun of Jesus, but leave the King out of it.'

  • Once a friend of my ex-husband came up to me and said, 'Your ex-husband jokes are mean.' I said, 'That may be true, but which among his friends has been cruel enough to explain them to him?'

    • Brett Butler
  • I'm on my second marriage. You know when you let one guy get away, you're gonna have to build a taller fence and put better food out.

    • Brett Butler,
    • in Michael Cader, ed., That's Funny! ()
  • My mom always said men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

    • Brett Butler,
    • in Entertainment Weekly ()
  • Revivals used to come to town. They would ask who wanted to be saved and I'd march right to the front. It was then that I knew I was destined for a career in show business, or at least alcoholism.

    • Brett Butler,
    • in Bill Adler, ed., Funny Ladies
  • I like a man that wears a wedding ring. 'Cause without it, they're like a shark without a fin. You pretty much got to know they're out there.

    • Brett Butler,
    • in Bill Adler, ed., Funny Ladies ()
  • The older I get the simpler the definition of maturity seems: It's the length of time between when I realize someone is a jackass and when I tell them that they're one.

    • Brett Butler

Brett Butler, U.S. comedian, actor, writer