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“... our family life can't get any worse than it is right now. We're microwaving underwear to get it dry in time to wear it and eating stuff out of the refrigerator that looks like it needs a shave.”
“... the teenage zone: the stage when an adolescent's brain synapses quit firing while the rest of their body races toward adulthood.”
“Is there stop 'n' go counseling for couples on the run?”
“Scott and I would have to be fast learners and the therapist a speed talker if we were going to fix our marital problems before we went broke. ... Unfortunately, there was no listing under Drive-Through Counseling Services; no Therapy to God; and most of all, no One-Hour Cure or It's Free.”
“I ... received a few hugs and dutiful pecks on the cheek at bedtime, even a couple of 'thank-yous' thrown in for good measure. But I'd truly love for someone to explain why the father of my children can simply walk into the house, put down his briefcase, grunt 'Hi kids — howyadoing,' and all four offspring nearly hyperventilate trying to be the first to get close to him. They are crazy about this man, and all he has to do is walk into a room and breathe.”
“... have you ever noticed how a man orders food at a fast-food drive-through window? ... men have an innate desire to be cute while placing their order through the drive-through microphone. It's as if they believe the invisible mike on the plastic menu screen is actually connected to a standup comedy stage somewhere in the recesses of the restaurant.”
“An intriguing mind is a powerful aphrodisiac.”