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Jenny Lawson
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“... strangers seem uncomfortable when you question them about their childhood. But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it's the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with.”
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“When I was little, my father used to sell guns and ammo at a sporting goods store, but I always told everyone he was an arms dealer, because it sounded more exciting.”
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“Grandpa did everything at his own pace, a speed that my sister and I referred to as 'when snails attack.' ... My grandparents' house was only about ten miles from ours, but the ride there would necessitate sandwiches packed for the trip, and several books to keep us occupied.”
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“Grandpa ... suddenly swerved, insisting that a cougar had just darted out in front of the car. We had all seen the cougar he was referring to. It was a double-wide mobile home that had been parked by the side of the road for least twenty years.”
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“... my mother ... gave us a look that my father always seemed to interpret as 'How lucky you girls are to have such an adventurous father,' but which I always read as 'One of you will probably not survive your father's enthusiasm. Most likely it will be Lisa, since she's smaller and can't run as fast ... '”
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“If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both.”
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“... you should enjoy and appreciate your days in high school, because you will remember them the rest of your life. Like when you're in prison, or you're getting mugged at gunpoint, you can say to yourself, 'Well, at least I'm not in high school.'”
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“[On acupuncture:] The needles are small and won't hurt at all. In fact, they'll feel good. Ha, ha! Just kidding. They feel like needles. Because they are.”
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“... the most terribly human moments — the ones we want to pretend never happened — are the very moments that make us who we are today. ... You are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them.”
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“A hug is like a strangle you haven't finished yet.”
Jenny Lawson, U.S. journalist, writer, blogger
(1979)