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Marie Shear
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“Feminism: The radical notion that women are people.”
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“Makeup: Western equivalent of the veil. A daily reminder that something is wrong with women's normal looks. A public apology.”
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“Male supremacy: Doctrine built upon three forms of superiority: the ability to grow a handlebar mustache, the ability to answer most of Nature's calls efficiently, and the possession of pockets.”
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“Manual dexterity: An aptitude for exacting work with one's hands, which fits women for typing but not for more lucrative enterprises like brain surgery.”
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“God: If she turns out to be Eleanor Roosevelt, some of these turkeys are in big trouble.”
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“Football: A religious ritual in which men fall upon each other in funny suits.”
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“Special interests: Any group working to obtain the necessities of life — food, clothing, shelter, employment, dignity, laughter — for unfashionable people. Not applicable to a group seeking more power or luxury for rich, straight, male, WASP Republicans with perfect bodies.”
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“Coat hanger: Symbol of pro-choice movement, inspired by the drastic measures taken by women desperate to obtain an abortion.”
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“Machostroke: A cerebrospinal accident characterized by a rush of testosterone to the brain during the act of making a decision. The only known therapy is satire.”
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“Sexist words and pictures commonly imply that everything active, everything significant, is male.”
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“[On using 'seminal' for 'germinal/groundbreaking,' etc.:] If we believe what newspapers and magazines tell us, intellectual and literary prowess flows from Man's Most Cherished Protuberance. ... The apologist for biased language usage will, of course dismiss such matters as trivial. But I think they make a vas deferens.”
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“Dieters are wonderful consumers, purchasing food and weight-loss products in an endless cycle.”
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“No wonder women smoke: cancer is the diet that really works.”
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“What with military extravagance and corporate welfare, I doubt that the chief threat to the national economy is grandma gumming too much gruel and refusing to eat a cheaper brand of cat food. I am entitled to assisted suicide, and so is anyone else who chooses it, whether our miseries are terminal or interminable — real assistance, not help restricted to those who can pass through the eye of a needle at the far end of an obstacle course. People with disabilities, which means almost everybody sooner or later, are equally entitled to services under their independent control, 24/7, for as long as they choose, regardless of age, even if the cost reduces the Pentagon to the Rectangle.”
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“... skip the cheap shots. Books, like foxes, are living creatures. Don't saddle up and race after one, baying and hallooing for sheer sport.”
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“I've gotten better at the computer: When it goes bonkers, I regain consciousness much faster than before.”
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“I think it's foolish for anyone to pay a doctor for a stress test. If you've had a computer for two weeks without having a coronary, you'll never have one.”
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“Why do researchers wonder why many black people have high blood pressure? What part of 'living with racism' escapes them?”
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“... the U.S. body politic can become septic when enough lies, distortions, and smears are relentlessly pumped into it. Millions of us now 'know' things that are not true ...”
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“Let's redefine this toxic term like this: Senior moment: (1) Any accomplishment, large or small, possible because acuity, confidence, and gumption increase with age. (2) A memory lapse or other sign of ineptitude, attributable to advancing age. Obsolete.”