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Helen Rowland

  • When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.

  • A good woman is known by what she does; a good man by what he doesn't.

  • From the day on which she weighs 140, the chief excitement of a woman's life consists in spotting women who are fatter than she is.

  • When perfect frankness comes in at the door love flies out of the window.

  • When a man makes a woman his wife, it's the highest compliment he can pay her — and usually it's the last.

  • 'Home' is any four walls that enclose the right person.

  • A man's ideal woman is the one he couldn't get.

  • The dollar sign is the only sign in which the modern man appears to have any real faith.

  • Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks so easy until you try it.

  • In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar — a custom which is still continued.

  • Going through life without love is like going through a good dinner without an appetite — everything seems so flat and tasteless.

  • Matrimony is the price of love — divorce, the rebate.

  • It's easier to hide your light under a bushel than to keep your shady side dark.

  • A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second and his follies last.

  • It is easier to keep half a dozen lovers guessing than to keep one lover after he has stopped guessing.

  • To a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions.

  • It's as hard to get a man to stay home after you've married him as it was to get him to go home before you married him.

  • Love: woman's eternal spring and man's eternal fall.

  • Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.

  • When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of all the other men of her acquaintance for the inattention of one.

  • Variety is the spice of love.

  • A confirmed bachelor girl is one who hasn't married — yet.

  • When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

  • A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

  • The material for this book was collected directly from nature at great personal risk by the author.

  • A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.

  • Somehow, a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever!

  • A fool and her money are soon courted.

  • Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.

  • After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.

  • True Love can be no deeper than your capacity for friendship, no higher than your ideals, and no broader than the scope of your vision.

  • Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common-sense.

  • True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity.

  • Marriage — A souvenir of love.

  • Estimated from a wife's experience, the average man spends fully one-quarter of his life in looking for his shoes.

  • Changing husbands is about as satisfactory as changing a bundle from one hand to the other; it gives you only temporary relief.

  • Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.

  • When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

  • Reno! The land of the free and the grave of the home!

  • There are only two kinds of perfectly faultless men — the dead and the deadly.

  • A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her imagination, and then they both speak of it as an affair of 'the heart.'

  • Eve had one advantage over all the rest of her sex. In his wildest moments of rage Adam never could accuse her of being 'just like her mother!'

  • Jealousy is the tie that binds — and binds — and binds.

  • To Fannie Hurst, who has discovered the secret of how to be happy, though wedded to an art and to a man at the same time.

    • Helen Rowland,
    • dedication page, Guide to Men ()
  • Oh yes, there is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.

  • It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son — and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

  • Woman's love — a mirror in which a man beholds himself glorified, magnified and deified.

  • Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her — when nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her.

  • Love is a matter of give and take — marriage, a matter of misgive and mistake.

  • A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him — the sympathetic woman gets him.

  • Eternity: The interval between the time when a woman discovers that a man is in love with her and the time when he finds it out himself and tells her about it.

  • Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts and his higher nature — and another woman to help him forget them.

  • The follies which a man regrets the most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

  • Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.

  • The hardest thing in life is to discover the exact geographical location of a man's grouch — whether it is in his tooth, his vanity or his digestion, or is just a chronic condition of the whole system.

  • There are many times where a woman would gladly drop her husband if she did not feel morally certain that some other woman would come right along and pick him up.

  • A man seldom thinks of marrying when he meets his ideal woman; he waits until he gets the marrying fever and then idealizes the first woman he happens to meet.

  • Flattery affects a man like any other sort of 'dope.' It stimulates and exhilarates him for the moment, but usually ends by going to his head and making him act foolish.

  • A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty, the tang of practised coquetry, and the halo of one man's approval.

  • These three things Man feareth: Oysters out of season, / A Babe that plays with fire, and a Woman who can reason!

  • The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him; the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him; but it's the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.

    • Helen Rowland,
    • in Franklin P. Adams et al., The Book of Diversion ()
  • A man may talk inspiringly to a woman about love in the abstract — but the look in his eyes is always perfectly concrete.

    • Helen Rowland,
    • in Franklin P. Adams et al., The Book of Diversion ()
  • Nothing so annoys a man as to hear a woman promising to love him 'forever' when he merely wanted her to love him for a few weeks.

    • Helen Rowland,
    • in Franklin P. Adams et al., The Book of Diversion ()
  • Fortunately for women, most men mistake loneliness for love before marriage, and habit for happiness afterward.

    • Helen Rowland,
    • in Franklin P. Adams et al., The Book of Diversion ()
  • Love will never be ideal until man recovers from the illusion that he can be just a little bit true, just a little bit faithful, or just a little bit married.

    • Helen Rowland,
    • in Franklin P. Adams et al., The Book of Diversion ()
  • Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.

    • Helen Rowland,
    • in Franklin P. Adams et al., The Book of Diversion ()
  • Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.

  • Some widowers are bereaved — others, relieved.

  • Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty ...

  • Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch, and the sinner his justification.

  • Matrimony is a bargain — and somebody has got to get the worst of the bargain.

  • Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life for you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

  • Love like chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken on blind faith or it loses all its flavor.

    • Helen Rowland
  • A woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them.

    • Helen Rowland,
    • The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon
    • ()
  • Some men are born for matrimony, some achieve matrimony — but most of them are merely poor dodgers.

  • A woman flees from temptation, but a man just crawls away from it in the cheerful hope that it may overtake him.

  • Verily, the best of husbands hath many raw edges, and many unnecessary pleats in his temper, and many wrinkles in his disposition, which must be removed.

    • Helen Rowland,
    • The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon
    • ()
  • No man can understand why a woman should prefer a good reputation to a good time.

    • Helen Rowland
  • The hardest task of a girl's life, nowadays, is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious.

Helen Rowland, U.S. writer, journalist, humorist

(1876 - 1950)