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Inanimate Objects

  • Sexually active coat hangers are at their peak when they are in a small closet. We once lived in an apartment with a closet so small it couldn't support a rod ... just two nails. Within a week (the shortest gestation in the history of coat hangers) we had thirty-seven of those suckers.

  • There's times when the crockery seems alive, an' flies out o' your hand like a bird. It's like the glass, sometimes, 'ull crack as it stands. What is to be broke will be broke.

  • Everything in your world is filled with intelligence, even the so-called inanimate objects. Treat them intelligently if you wish to obtain intelligent, harmonious results.

  • Inkstands and tea-cups are never as full as when one upsets them ...

  • ... there are no inanimate objects ...

  • You aren't the only one to mislay. Objects have got so bold about it in this house that they mislay themselves in front of my eyes and remain in front of my eyes, mislaid. I put it down to pollution.

  • Strange the affection which clings to inanimate objects — objects which cannot even know our love! But it is not return that constitutes the strength of an attachment.

  • It is when my umbrella turns inside out that I am convinced of the total depravity of inanimate things.

  • Lost things, she felt certain, had a life of their own. They came back to their families like stray dogs.

  • Appliances have idiosyncracies, just like us. Unfortunately they have picked up our less attractive traits — they are proud, spiteful, and unforgiving.

  • I believe in the total depravity of inanimate things. ... The elusiveness of soap, the knottiness of strings, the transitory nature of buttons, the inclination of suspenders to twist and of hooks to forsake their lawful eyes, and cleave only unto the hairs of their hapless owner's head.

  • The house begins to be a home. The unfamiliar places are beginning to fold the familiar objects into their keeping and to cozy them down. Objects that swore at each other when the movers heaved them into the new rooms have subsided into corners and sit to lick their feet and wash their faces like cats accepting a new home.

  • ... since he had first held a rattle, inanimate matter had been his foe. He was a living illustration of the theory that matter cuts across the path of life. In its crossing of Jonathan's path it was never Jonathan that came off as victor.

  • Everything outlasts people. Sometimes I wonder, when I remember all the old things that are in museums, and the men who made them dead this long time past, whether God really thinks we're important.

  • Paper is always strongest at the perforations.

  • The tyranny of inanimate objects never failed to surprise her. You couldn't fight them.

  • Inanimate objects were often so much nicer than people, she thought. What person, for example, could possibly be so comforting as one's bed?

  • If we love our objects and they bring us emotional comfort, they are no longer inanimate.

  • Joss had always known that objects large and small have secret, vicious lives of their own. ... Things transform justified resentment of their human slavemasters into outright revolt ...

  • ... there's a natural depravity in inanimate things that's quite shocking, when you think of it.

  • There are two kinds of adhesive tape — that which won't stay on and that which won't come off.

    • Maria Telesco,
    • "Telesco's Laws," American Journal of Nursing ()
  • Every object has feelings. Everything is full of pain. I have sets of dishes in the basement, and I can't throw them out because they'll feel terrible. Old shoes — break their hearts.

    • Joan Rivers,
    • in Richard Meryman, "Directing Her First Movie or Cracking up Carson, Joan Rivers Has Angst in Her Pants," People ()
  • The twentieth century contributed skyscrapers and typewriters and automobiles and telephones to the world. Solid, workable objects. Every innovation of the twenty-first century could be erased by a power failure.