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Golf

  • ... golfing has some strange charm from which there is no escaping once one has experienced it. To play golf and to learn its fascination, is to love it always and be unable to forsake it. ... It is the kind of game that must be played enthusiastically and constantly ...

  • [On golf:] ... though aware I could never be more than a humble potterer, it was impossible to repress the wild upsurgings of hope known to all middle-aged beginners ...

  • ... night after night I went to sleep murmuring, 'To-morrow I will be easy, strong, quick, supple, accurate, dashing and self-controlled all at once!' For not less than this is necessary in the Game of Life called Golf.

  • [On golf:] One of the most distressing defects of civilization.

  • Golf is an expensive way to make yourself miserable.

  • Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.

  • [When asked how someone 6'3" had dared take up golf:] I was too tall to make the chess team in my high school, so I tried golf.

    • Carol Mann,
    • in Janice Kaplan, Women and Sports ()
  • Golf is a particularly severe strain upon the amiability of the average person's temper, and in no other game, except bridge, is serenity of disposition so essential.

  • [After her tee shot hit a tree and caromed into her bra:] I'll take a two-shot penalty, but I'll be damned if I'm going to play the ball where it lies.

  • When CBS sportscaster Ben Wright claimed women don't make good golfers because their 'boobs' get in the way of their swings, I thought, 'Two words, Ben. Beer. Gut.'

  • [On killing a duck while it was flying across the course:] I'm not very good with a gun, but I'm hot with a wedge.

  • [On golf:] You know you're bad when your divot goes further than your ball.

  • It's a faithless love, but you hit four good shots and you've started your day right.

  • Luck? Sure. But only after long practice and only with the ability to think under pressure.

  • Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun. If you do take it seriously, it will break your heart.