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“Beastly things, teeth. Give us trouble from the cradle to the grave.”
“There are only two kinds of men who become dentists. The ones who love it and ones who get miserable. Think round and you'll see I'm right.”
“Women sometimes sort of like the dentist, if the truth be told. Here's a guy with immaculately clean hands, standing with his pelvis pressed against your beating heart. He is talking to you in a soothing voice, gently wiping your cheeks, looking into your eyes, saying things like, 'Great, you're doing just great ... ' and he gives you drugs whenever you want them. Admit it. This is ten times more pleasant than most of the dates you've had in recent years.”
“No woman is a heroine to her dentist.”
“He got into my mouth along with a pickaxe and telescope, battering-ram and other instruments, and drove a lawn-cutting machine up and down my jaws for a couple of hours. When he came out he said he meant wonderful improvements, and it seems I'm to have a bridge and a mill-wheel and summit and crown of gold, and harps, and Lord knows what, better than new.”
“My snail possessed around 2,640 teeth ... It seemed far more sensible to belong to a species that had evolved natural tooth replacement, than to belong to one that had developed the dental profession.”
“How odd it is that these cavities always seem so large. I feel as if I could put my head into this one.”