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“This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man.' I said, 'Oh, a gay trucker?'”
“Once I was riding my bike and my mom was waving to me from the window. She said, 'Judy, soon your body will change.' I said, 'I know — puberty.' She said, 'No, that Good Humor truck.'”
“'Judy, you don't know nothin' about the South. You don't even know the difference between the North and the South.' I said, 'Oh yes I do. In the North, there's a cut-off age for sleeping with your parents.'”
“My mother said, 'You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate.' I said, 'Just wait.'”
“I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.”
“How many of you ever started dating someone 'cause you were too lazy to commit suicide?”
“I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain.”
Judy Tenuta, U.S. actor, comedian, writer, producer, accordionist