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Melinda Marshall

  • Back when I had only one child, and that child was just a baby, I didn't see the necessity of making time for intimacy. I was in a state so neutered by childbearing and nursing that I honestly couldn't remember why a man and a woman would engage in anything so physically ridiculous as the sexual act except to propagate the species — and I was done with all that.

    • Melinda Marshall,
    • "Sex, Lies and Videotapes," in Ladies' Home Journal ()
  • ... amazingly, within seven months of delivering my first child, I was pregnant with my second. It was not, I'm fairly sure, an immaculate conception. I must have been asleep (my life ambition at the time). Or I was awake but not conscious. Or I was conscious but so completely addled I forgot to take precautions.

    • Melinda Marshall,
    • "Sex, Lies and Videotapes," in Ladies' Home Journal ()
  • You know how the wicked stepmother took the kids into the forest claiming she was too poor to feed them anymore? That was a ruse. My take is, the new wife was simply acting out of frustration, having grossly underestimated the effect children would have on her sex life. There she is, a recent bride fixing dinner, the kids fighting at the table, when in walks her macho woodcutter husband. 'Whaddya say,' she whispers in his ear, 'we have a little quiet time together, just you and me? Your mother could take the kids for the night — maybe even for a couple of days.' 'My mother?' says the husband. 'That witch?'

    • Melinda Marshall,
    • "Sex, Lies and Videotapes," in Ladies' Home Journal ()
  • Reproductive hormones that aren't routinely purged tend to pickle the female brain. Testosterone, I'm fairly sure, starts backing up in men's cerebrums until they become sociopaths — or they're compelled to run for public office.

    • Melinda Marshall,
    • "Sex, Lies and Videotapes," in Ladies' Home Journal ()
  • For a long time we kept our bed off-limits to nighttime intruders, but inevitably, security was breached because it was just easier to haul the child in with us and go back to sleep. All those pathetic things young children say — 'I'm afraid' or 'I can't sleep' or 'I'm cold' — are actually part of a subconscious plot of theirs to prevent you from hatching any more siblings.

    • Melinda Marshall,
    • "Sex, Lies and Videotapes," in Ladies' Home Journal ()

Melinda Marshall, U.S. writer