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Lynne Alpern

  • Now I know your marriage will last. You've been together long enough to be on your second bottle of Tabasco sauce.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • My wedding was not mine, it was my mother's. Yours will be mine.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • Don't believe the statistics unless you know the statistician.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • More people have died from bigotry than any other disease.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight, because your body has made friends with your fat.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • Narrow-minded people are like narrow-necked bottles ... the less they have in them, the more noise they make pouring it out.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • Sometimes the best thing you can do is just listen. Other times the best thing you can do is not to.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • God gave you two eyes, two ears and one mouth. So you should watch and listen twice as much as you talk.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • A nurse is caught between the doctor's invincibility and the patient's vulnerability.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • Why should I be reasonable? I'm your mother.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • A baby sister is nicer than a goat. You'll get used to her.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Lynne Alpern and Esther Blumenfeld, Oh, Lord, I Sound Just Like Mama ()
  • You can laugh or you can cry, but if you laugh, you won't have to blow your nose.

    • Lynne Alpern,
    • in Esther Blumenfeld and Lynne Alpern, Humor at Work ()

Lynne Alpern, U.S. writer