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“I don't visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won't wait in the yard while I run in.”
“I got even with my parents. I told them I was gay. 'Cause I'm going out with this guy I know they'll hate. Now when they meet him they'll love him.”
“Saw my mom today. It was all right, she didn't see me.”
“I stay away from the miserable people, because misery does love company. Just look at a fly strip. You never see a fly stuck there saying, 'Go around! Go around!'”
“My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow.”
“My mother thinks she's psychic. My whole life, my sisters and I have gone along with it, but I don't know how much longer I can keep up the charade. This week it's my turn to have an accident.”
“I went home to Chicago recently. I'm from the South Side, you know. I ran into some people I had not seen in a long time. I went out with this one guy and he had a few drinks and he started acting weird. I didn't want to ask him if he was mental or anything like that. So I asked him, 'Bob, when you went to school, did you ride the short bus or the long bus?'”