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Wanda Sykes

  • Designers pay me not to wear their clothes. I get a big fat check at the end of the year and cards from everybody like Dolce & Gabbana, saying, 'I know you didn't wear any of my things. Thank you.'

    • Wanda Sykes,
    • in People ()
  • For guys, sex is like going to a restaurant. No matter what they order off that menu, they walk out saying, 'Damn! That was good!' For women, it don't work like that. We go to the restaurant; sometimes it's good, sometimes you got to send it back ... Or you might go, 'I think I'm going to cook for myself today.'

  • As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.

  • White criminals commit the biggest crimes. A brother might rob a bank. A white man will rob a pension fund. The brother is going to get ten to fifteen years because he had a gun. The white guy will get a congressional hearing because he had a job and a nice suit.

Wanda Sykes, U.S. writer, comedian, actor, voice artist

(1964)