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Virginia Graham

  • In society it is etiquette for ladies to have the best chairs and get handed things. In the home the reverse is the case. That is why ladies are more sociable than gentlemen.

  • On the whole, and providing one is in good spirits and feeling reasonably bright, it is not hard to converse for a short space of time on subjects about which one knows little, and it is indeed often amusing to see how cunningly one can steer the conversational barque, hoisting and lowering her sails, tacking this way and that to avoid reefs, and finally racing feverishly for home with the outboard engine making a loud and cheerful noise.

  • Committee meetings are always held at inconvenient times and usually take place in dark, dusty rooms the temperatures of which are unsuited to the human body.

  • For a driver to be driven by somebody else is an ordeal, for there are only three types of drivers: the too fast, the timid and oneself.

  • England is the only civilised country in the world where it is etiquette to fall on the food like a wolf the moment it is served. Elsewhere it is comme il faut to wait until everybody has helped himself to everything and until everything on everybody's plate is stone cold.

  • There are some composers — at the head of whom stands Beethoven — who not only do not know when to stop but appear to stop many times before they actually do.

  • Good shot, bad luck and hell are the five basic words to be used in a game of tennis ...

  • Honey, do I know about beauty? I was a blonde when nobody ever dreamed of it. I never thought makeup was something you did after an argument.

    • Virginia Graham,
    • with Jean Libman Block, There Goes What's Her Name ()
  • Zeke would sit around munching Dramamine and phenobarbital. That was the first time I saw anyone get his hors d'oeuvres from a pharmacy.

    • Virginia Graham,
    • with Jean Libman Block, There Goes What's Her Name ()
  • I have the perfect face for radio.

    • Virginia Graham,
    • with Jean Libman Block, There Goes What's Her Name ()
  • ... for some of us life always comes C.O.D.

    • Virginia Graham,
    • with Jean Libman Block, There Goes What's Her Name ()
  • Say something idiotic and nobody but a dog politely wags his tail.

  • Maturity gives us jealous eyes. We look with jealousy on the younger woman because she doesn't know as much now as we do, and, oh, what we could do with our wisdom and her face.

    • Virginia Graham,
    • with Jean Libman Block, Don't Blame the Mirror ()
  • ... suppose you invest time and effort in designing a new image for yourself. You get home and your husband takes one look and screams, 'Was the other person hurt? I see you've been in a head-on collision.' ... Men hate any change.

    • Virginia Graham,
    • with Jean Libman Block, Don't Blame the Mirror ()
  • ... conformity has been a devastating thing. Its ill effects continue right to this day. Customers still look at the woman in the next chair and say, 'I'll have what she has.' That's all right for ordering at a restaurant — but not in a beauty parlor.

    • Virginia Graham,
    • with Jean Libman Block, Don't Blame the Mirror ()
  • ... a woman is not really dressed unless she is wearing a hat.

    • Virginia Graham,
    • with Jean Libman Block, Don't Blame the Mirror ()
  • ... when we travel, most of us take too much. I always work on the assumption that I'm going to take everything with me because I don't want the second wife to have anything if the plane crashes.

    • Virginia Graham,
    • with Jean Libman Block, Don't Blame the Mirror ()
  • When some people retire, it's hard to be able to tell the difference.

    • Virginia Graham

Virginia Graham, U.S. writer, playwright, radio/TV performer

(1912 - 1998)