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“... to Jack, his violin is comfort and relaxation. To his inky wife, it's time to put her head down the waste-disposal unit again.”
“Like good wine, our family does not travel well.”
“What does a Californian make for dinner? Reservations.”
“Acting requires absorption, but not self-absorption and, in the actor's mind, the question must always be 'Why am I doing this?,' not 'How am I doing it?'”
“'Chutzpah' is best defined as a small boy peeing through someone's letter box, then ringing the doorbell to ask how far it went.”
“Behind every success story there's a guilt complex the size of Mark Thatcher. I'm willing to bet that Shirley Conran constantly borrows cups of sugar from her neighbors, that Antonia Fraser never did the two o'clock feed and that Claire Rayner's kids don't take her advice.”
“I suppose the nearest equivalent to a Barmitzvah in terms of emotional build-up would probably not even be one's wedding day, but one's coronation.”
“I've discovered over the years that if my hair is all right, then generally speaking, so am I.”
“Did you ever meet a mother who's complained that her child phoned her too often? Me neither.”
“Jewish Alzheimer's is forgetting everything except a grudge.”
Maureen Lipman, English actor, writer, comedian
Full name: Maureen Diane Lipman, CBE.