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Elaine Heffner
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“Until the moment arrives — as it no doubt will — when technology makes possible the creation of human life outside of a female body, a woman's anatomy, her capacity and desire to bear and to rear children, will remain a source of conflict for her as well as for those who seek to impose upon her their own definition of her true destiny.”
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“Motherhood today is a high risk profession. Charges of malpractice have not been reserved for doctors and lawyers alone. Mothers have had firsthand experience with the peculiar belief in our culture that if something goes wrong, someone is at fault. ... We need someone to blame for whatever frustration or deprivation we may have experienced in our lives. Too often that someone is mother.”
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“The functions of mothering induce intense emotional reactions which lead inevitably to feelings of guilt. Unfortunately, mothers interpret the fact that they feel guilty to mean that they are guilty. Professionals have simply confirmed this interpretation by telling mothers why they are guilty.”
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“The art of living is to function in society without doing violence to one's own needs or to the needs of others. The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children.”
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“Attempts to control others always fall back on the old stand-bys of force and persuasion.”
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“... there is no way really to make anyone do anything.”
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“If two people are to resolve their differences, they first have to find out what those differences are. Each has to be able to hear what the other one wants.”
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“Deprivation and frustration are as much a part of life as gratification.”
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“Behavior is the currency of human transaction. Whether by purpose or by chance, most often our actions affect others and theirs affect us. Behavior, then, is a matter of social concern.”
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“There is no question that others would like it better if mothers would do as they are told.”
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“Motherhood is a profession for the mother who chooses to make it one. A mother is a professional, if she chooses to be one.”
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“... true freedom is the freedom to consider others as well as ourselves, knowing that it is nothing less than enlightened self-interest to do so.”
Elaine Heffner, U.S. psychotherapist, parent educator, writer
(1926)