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Elinor Goulding Smith
“It sometimes happens, even in the best families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money.”
“Picking the right name for the baby is beset with difficulties. ... whatever name you choose, the baby, some years hence, will hate it anyway, and decide to have his friends call him Slats or Rocky ...”
“Keeping a baby requires a good deal of time, effort, thought and equipment, so unless you are prepared for this, we recommend that you start with a hamster, whose wants are far simpler.”
“... all good qualities in a child are the result of environment, while all the bad ones are the result of poor heredity on the side of the other parent.”
“The I.Q. of the parent is in inverse ratio to the square of the children's ages.”
“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”
“I have never heard anyone say, 'Oh, ick! A horse!'”
“Now Emperor ask engineers, what most basic thing in civilization? ... No, no. You not think. Most basic thing Good Wall. ... Country without Wall very primitive. Barbarians get in, bring in barbarian haircuts, barbarian music, barbarian paintings, candy stores, flower shops, greasy cooking ... Emperor get sick at thought.”
Elinor Goulding Smith, U.S. writer