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Gracie Allen

  • When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.

    • Gracie Allen,
    • on The Robert Burns Panatela Program ()
  • All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

  • Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your old economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality.

  • I'm the candidate who forgot to take off her hat before she threw it in the ring.

  • This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

  • A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.

  • The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the balcony.

  • We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.

  • My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old.

    • Gracie Allen,
    • in The Reader's Digest Treasury of Wit and Humor ()
  • I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

    • Gracie Allen,
    • in George Burns, Gracie ()
  • When my mother had to get dinner for eight she'd just make enough for sixteen and only serve half.

    • Gracie Allen,
    • in Liz Smith, The Mother Book ()
  • My mind works so fast. When I think of something I say it. Lots of times I say it even before I think of it.

    • Gracie Allen,
    • in Cheryl Blythe and Susan Sackett, Say Goodnight, Gracie! ()
  • A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, 'Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.'

    • Gracie Allen
  • This recipe is silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them.

    • Gracie Allen

Gracie Allen, U.S. comedian, actor

(1895 - 1964)

Full name: Grace Ethel Cecile Rosalie Allen.