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Susan Savannah

  • Women have their faults / Men have only two / Everything they say and / Everything they do.

  • On the way home from the party, the woman said to her husband, 'Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy and irresistible to women you are?' 'Why, no,' said the husband, flattered. 'Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party?' she yelled.

  • Marriage isn't a word. It's a sentence.

  • I saw my friend the other day and she had her wedding ring on the wrong finger. When I pointed this out to her, she said, ‘I know, I married the wrong man.’

    • Susan Savannah,
    • in Bruce Lansky, For Better or For Worse ()
  • If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says 'keep away from children.'

    • Susan Savannah

Susan Savannah, U.S. comedian, writer