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Lily Tomlin

  • Is this the party to whom I am speaking?

    • Lily Tomlin,
    • as "Ernestine," the telephone operator on Rowan and Martin's "Laugh-In" ()
  • Even when I'm being funny, I'm deadly serious.

    • Lily Tomlin,
    • in Jeff Sorensen, Lily Tomlin ()
  • Whatever goes up must come down, but don't expect it to come down where you can find it.

    • Lily Tomlin,
    • in Melvin Helitzer, Comedy Writing Secrets ()
  • Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?

    • Lily Tomlin
  • Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • I don't care how anyone identifies me as long as I can do my work.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won't.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • The best mind-altering drug is truth.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then we elected them.

    • Lily Tomlin
  • [As child character 'Edith Ann' describing anger:] First your face gets just like a fist, your heart gets like a bunch of bees, flies up and stings your brain, your blood is like a tornado and then you have bad weather inside your body.

    • Lily Tomlin

Lily Tomlin, U.S. comedian, actor


Born: Mary Jean Tomlin. Unsourced quotes may not be correct. Much of Tomlin’s material is spoken. It is also co-written with Jane Wagner. All corrections/sources appreciated.